I suppose an introduction is required. My name is Courtney, and I’m David’s wife. We’ve been married for almost 7 years, and we have a little boy who was just born this year. Quarantine babies, am I right? We make a pretty good living right now, but when we were newlyweds we lived off of David’s graduate student salary. It put us below the poverty line, technically, but I felt richer than I ever had before. My parents were missionaries for most of my early childhood, and then they just had my dad’s pastoral salary with all three of us kids. We had very little.
Living off of that small amount is what taught me the following ten lessons, which I think could be valuable for you too.
Learn to do it yourself if you can
I learned this very early from my dad. When we first moved overseas, the house my parents were given by the mission had a lot of work that needed done. Subfloors were rotten, closets needed built, kitchen cabinets needed installed, and the house needed a water heater–to name a few things. We lived way out in the absolute middle of nowhere, so hiring professionals would have been incredibly difficult and incredibly expensive. So instead my dad buckled down and learned to do everything he could. He had help when it came to the technical aspects from people who came down from the States, but he soaked up everything he could and was never merely a bystander in the process. Even now, when he and my mom have far more disposable income than they had ever had in their lives, my dad still does most of the work on projects around the house. For example last year he and my brother put a new engine in an old Miata my dad had bought off of Craigslist!
My dad learned how to do these things out of necessity, but I also know that a job well done brings him a great sense of pride and fulfillment. That’s the lesson I’m currently taking from learning to do things myself. I can afford nice store-bought bread, but the sense of accomplishment I get from making a loaf of bread, and having it come out of the oven perfect and fluffy, can’t be bought. I’m not advocating that you have to be able to fully build, wire, and plumb your own house (unless that’s what you really want to do), but I am saying that you should learn all you can. It can save you a lot of money, give you a great sense of accomplishment, and be a fun talking point.
Things taste better when you’ve worked hard for them
I will be honest, gardening is not my favorite thing. Every year as a teen I would dread the days mom would send us outside to pick green beans. The plants are itchy on bare legs, hide a million bugs that are just waiting to jump on you, and seem to have a never-ending supply of beans that you have to search and search for. Seriously, no matter how many times you turn the plant to a different side, there’s always some you missed. It was always worth it though, because eating something you worked for is so satisfying. I find the same thing to be true with home cooking. Homemade cheesecake tastes better than store-bought because of all the effort that went into it. The fortunate thing here is that not only does it taste better, it’s usually cheaper too. Also, if you’re making it yourself you can add more sugar to ensure it tastes better!
Second hand does not mean subpar
When I was young shopping at thrift stores was embarrassing. I know thrifting is less embarrassing now than it was 20 years ago, but I can’t tell you how much I wished that I could own anything new. Finally, for my 16th birthday my aunt gave me a gift card for Old Navy. I was thrilled, and immediately bought myself a new pair of jeans (which basically used up the whole gift card). Then the next week when we were at the thrift store I found the exact same pair of jeans–for one dollar. I learned my lesson right there. Even now I hardly ever buy anything new, because I know Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, or the thrift store will likely have what I need. Buying used doesn’t mean having to buy old or broken and just “making it work”. The furniture in my son’s bedroom is in great shape and cost less than $150 for a solid wood dresser with a hutch, a bedframe, and a nightstand. That’s less than if I had bought cheap particle board furniture from Walmart and if I didn’t know it was 20 years old I’d never have guessed!
You’re not saving money by buying something on sale if you wouldn’t have bought it otherwise
This is pretty straightforward. If you buy something just because it’s on sale, but don’t actually need it, then you’re not saving anything at all. This isn’t to say it isn’t a good idea to occasionally buy toilet paper or other necessities when they are on sale. But if you buy the cute dress you find on sale even though you have plenty of other dresses that you’ve never worn hanging in your closet, you’re wasting money.
A lot of the things that we “can’t live without” we could not only could live without, but genuinely don’t need
I, like many housewives, have watched my fair share of HGTV. I really enjoy seeing a house transformed, and also seeing all the cool new gadgets and interesting features that can be added to a home. What always bugs me though, is when people call things like heated floors “must haves”. It’s OK for these kinds of things to be goals, but I think as a society we need to get away from the thought of gadgets and accessories being things we need to have rather than what they are–luxuries. We don’t need these things to survive, and not only that but we don’t need them at all! I really enjoyed the car we had when we were first married that had heated seats. But when we were looking for another car and found a reasonably priced one without heated seats, I was fine with that. Because heated seats are a luxury, and I don’t need them.
Anything can be a luxury if you consider it so
And yet luxuries are nice! I don’t think anybody wants to live in the absolute most Spartan fashion. We all like a little something that makes us feel like we are living “the good life”. Unfortunately a lot of people take this desire too far, and end up with maxed out credit cards and luxury vehicles they can’t afford. Instead of spending a crazy amount of money in order to feel like you’ve made it, I would recommend that you reframe your thinking.
While we lived overseas, my parents made it explicitly clear that we were not to drink the tap water. I think it had something to do with bacteria in the water that our guts were unable to tolerate, but honestly I was pretty little and all I took from their lesson was that tap water was off-limits. When we moved back to the United States, my dad made a big show of pouring himself a glass of water from the sink. My siblings and I were amazed! What a luxury to be able to drink the tap water without boiling it. In fact, I thought it was so much of a luxury that I was later found washing my hand in the tub so as not to waste the drinking water.
What a simple thing, but it made me feel like we were living large. This kind of attitude is something we should try to cultivate. Make your morning cup of homemade coffee special by having it in a comfy seat at a time where you won’t be bothered so you can really enjoy it. Make a regular night at home fancy by popping popcorn, turning down the lights, and enjoying a movie. Little things can be luxuries if you allow yourself to luxuriate in them.
Things are nice, but don’t make your happiness contingent on them
We moved a lot. Like, a lot a lot. By the time I was 12 we had moved 15 times. When you move that often, you have to condense your belongings drastically. My parents couldn’t afford to ship heavy furniture overseas, and weren’t willing to waste valuable space on a giant stuffed animal collection. I got really used to getting rid of toys and clothes, even ones I still liked, because it wouldn’t fit in our new home or we didn’t have space to bring it in the first place.
When my great-grandmother passed away, my grandma decided to move to my home town to be closer to my parents. We went down to help her downsize, as she was going to be moving from a 2 story, 5 bedroom house (plus full walk-in attic and basement) to a ranch with 2 small bedrooms. My mother went through the house with her systematically, trying to find things she could part with, but it was like pulling teeth! She’d ask if she could get rid of a dutch oven that was full of dust on a shelf my grandmother couldn’t even reach, but grandma would say, “Oh I can’t get rid of that, so and so gave it to me at my wedding.”
I was fortunate to learn that things don’t bring you happiness at a young age. My grandma, while not having fully attached her happiness to these things, was definitely emotionally attached to them. She had a very hard time parting with them, because she had a sentimental attachment to everything she’d ever owned, even if she’d never used it! Being emotionally attached to things is a big problem, but attaching your happiness to them is even worse for you. Having a hard time getting rid of things can be overcome, but if you attach your happiness to having those things it becomes almost impossible. After all, how can you stand to get rid of it if it will make you unhappy? You not only are unhappy about losing it, but you can easily allow that unhappiness to sour whatever caused you to lose it–even if it was a happy thing that caused it! Even if you really want a baby, you can easily become angry towards them if you have to sell a sports car you had attached your happiness to just to afford the child. Or maybe you get a great new job opportunity, but you have to downsize from your beautifully decorated house and get rid of many of your favorite furnishings. It would be easy to begin to resent the job if you had elevated those things in your life so much that they dictated your happiness.
The thing is, at the end of the day these are all just things. You are allowed to like things, and you are allowed to be made happy by things. But you can’t allow those things to dictate whether or not you are happy.
Living on less can make your relationships stronger
This one is counterintuitive, I know. Money is the number one reason for divorce, so I recognize that things can go the other way. But when you don’t have much, all you have is each other. If you allow having little to teach you to work together instead of allowing it to tear you apart, the bond you build is going to be incredibly strong. David and I had very little when we were first married, and we were immensely happy with each other. I think our relationship was built on a very solid foundation because it was founded on our love for each other, not the things we had. It was a lot of hard work, but in the end it paid off with a relationship that can weather just about anything.
Being generous does not require a big income
One of the biggest impressions my parents made on me has to do with donating. My dad is a pastor, and for most of my childhood my mom didn’t work. But every first Sunday of the month my mom would write a check and put it in the offering plate, same as everyone else. They also supported ministries in the area, including nonprofits that helped out single mothers. Even though they didn’t have much, they still made sure that they were donating where they could. This made a big impression on me. Even when you don’t feel like you have a lot, helping your fellow man is important! There are a lot of ways you can be generous, even if you don’t donate to charity in the traditional way, and you don’t even have to have a dime to do some of them.
A grateful attitude makes much of little
And conversely, an envious attitude makes even much feel little. Desiring what others have instead of being grateful for what you already have sours you to anything that isn’t the thing you want. Let’s look at a Bible story for this one. How about King David and Bathsheba? We know from the Bible that David had at least 7 wives before he met Bathsheba, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t just be happy with what he had, he wanted more! And in the end, it ended up costing him greatly. He became a murderer, and lost the son he and Bathsheba had. This envious attitude only leads to hurt and loss. On the other hand, when you are grateful for what you have, it doesn’t feel so small. I was grateful for the clothes, toys, and games I had, and I never felt like I had too little. But an honest recollection makes it clear to me that I didn’t really have all that much. I knew plenty of kids that had more, and were unhappy with what they had. There can be joy even in little; find it!
David’s Note:
Courtney and I have been married for 7 years and it’s still crazy how much we think alike. Even though we grew up on different continents, we have the same philosophy of life. Our foundation for all of life is the belief that the Bible is the Word of God. Because God created both mankind and money, if you take these ten lessons to heart it will help make life so much easier. But it’s not just money, God has provided wisdom for all manner of life: first of which is how to know Him personally.
Hopefully you are able to get something out of these ten lessons. Let us know which ones you liked most in the comments below!