Courtney’s Corner

0

Keeping Up With The (Digital) Joneses

Posted on by Courtney

I’ll be honest: I’m a little bit of a curmudgeon. A scrooge, my husband sometimes (affectionately?) calls me. So when we got engaged, it was no surprise that I decided that I didn’t want to spare the money for an engagement photo shoot. It seemed like a waste of money and time, since we would be getting wedding photos in a few short months anyhow. I’m still glad we didn’t get them, but I remember we were probably the only people in our friend groups who didn’t.

The same thing happened again when I got pregnant. I don’t particularly understand the allure of maternity photo shoots, and I honestly didn’t really care to have pictures of my 9 month pregnant self out there. But again, I felt very much like I was in the minority! Then there’s the newborn photo shoot, first birthday photo shoot, family photo shoot, Christmas card photo shoot, 100th photo shoot photo shoot… you get the picture (pun not intended, but very much appreciated).

Keeping up with the Joneses

Look, I’m not here to rag on photography. Okay, maybe I am a little. But what I would like to talk about is the fact that even though I don’t care to have lots of pictures, and even though I don’t like spending money on intangible things, and even though I hate taking pictures, I still felt pressure to get all of these photo shoots! Fortunately I’m usually able to overcome it, but the pressure is there nonetheless. How does a person survive in a world where “keeping up with the Joneses” is not just a personal desire but an external pressure?

I think part of the problem is that “the Joneses” are no longer just your neighbors. They’re your Facebook friends or the people that follow you on Instagram. The desire to keep up that perfect persona is amplified by the digital sphere in ways our parents never experienced. You see the perfect lives of other people, and want to present a perfect life yourself. In some small, rational corner of our brain that’s left we may recognize that those other people are probably editing their lives to look better, but it’s so hard to actually listen to that when all the happy pictures are staring us in the face!

The Joneses’ Experiences aren’t even Real

Taking it back to my earlier example of photography, we can see how much easier this staged form of life has become. In the past if you ate at a really great restaurant you had to personally brag to your friends the next time you saw them. Now, you take a quick picture of your meal, tag the restaurant, and post it to Instagram. Boom, now all your friends know that your life is worth being jealous of. None of them will even know if you didn’t like the food.

Look at it. Look at it.

The sheer volume of “Joneses” that you have is also an issue. In real life, I spend time around a grand total of maybe 25 people? Sure I see more at church, but that’s about the amount of people who I actually talk to in an average week. It’s possible one of them went on an amazing trip or bought a new car or got a puppy, but the odds are reasonably low. If I log onto Facebook, on the other hand, I have 352 friends! The odds of that jealousy-inducing, impulse-purchase-causing story just went up by like 1000%.

Now I have not only my personal envy issues to contend with, but just the sheer social pressure of dozens of my friends doing something. I may not be all that interested in visiting the Mall of America, but if lots of people I know visit it, by the end of the 2 dozenth album of what so-and-so did on their visit I’m going to feel like I have to go!

Our Experience

As an example, we had a baby roughly 6 months ago. One of the options AT THE HOSPITAL was to get a newborn baby photo shoot. Look, I’m sick and tired of feeling like I have to get this newborn photo shoot. I’ve considered it, a lot, but they’re just not for me. We have nice phones and can take perfectly good pictures ourselves. But the minute I decided I wasn’t going to get one, I felt bad because everyone I know got one.

Do they know something I don’t know? Will I be missing out on something? What’s it going to look like if I don’t get this photo shoot even if everyone else did? Why do I feel bad for not buying something that I don’t even want? I don’t like that it feels like my monetary decisions (and even my decisions that aren’t monetary) feel like they’re being dictated by other people. Being freed from that feeling that you need to follow the crowd is not only good for your soul…it’s good for your wallet as well.

As conscientious consumers, we need to be working to make the monetary decisions that actually bring us joy. That’s going to take work, and a decent amount of introspection. Don’t just do the thing you think you should do. One of the main tenets of FIRE is to work to spend your money on what is actually important to you. So start spending it on things that you truly care about. And maybe stop spending it on photo shoots lol.

What do you think? Did I rag on photography too much? What are you sick of feeling pressured to do/buy? Let us know in the comments below!

David’s Note

Yeah Courtney is a scrooge. She doesn’t even like multicolored Christmas lights all over the house! But she’s my scrooge. She does have a point though about feeling bad for not buying something that everyone else buys. I feel it too even though I don’t care what most people think of me. The fear of man is a powerful force (Proverbs 29:25). We have to work hard to overcome it.

0

What do you Actually Need for Your Baby?

Posted on by Courtney

As David has mentioned, we somewhat recently had our first baby, a little boy. That’s about all the information I’m willing to give you on that. I value my son’s privacy. Before he had made his grand entrance, we did a lot of research on what babies actually need, and the results were…mixed. Some people told us you need a car seat and a laundry basket to use as a bed, and that was it. Others gave us a laundry list.

After sorting through the advice (and obtaining some of that ever important valuable research tool, first-hand experience), here are my suggestions. This is going to list more “big ticket items”, so don’t expect me to go into what brand we used or whether I think you should get diaper cream or baby powder or something small like that. Just the highlights for what you’ll want waiting for you when you come home from the hospital.

I find I agree with Ron Swanson on more and more things every year.
“What I’m just gonna carry around a picture of my child where anyone can see them?” – Ron Swanson

Non-Negotiables

Car Seat

Unless you use public transit for all of your traveling needs, you are going to need a car seat. They will not let you leave the hospital without one in your car. This is the only baby item we insisted on purchasing new. Because even if it hasn’t reached it’s expiration date, the constant everyday wear that occurs during routine stops and starts in your car eventually weaken the plastic. I’d prefer to have the longest amount of safe use possible. However, if you find a new or almost new car seat at a garage sale or second hand store and that’s something you’re comfortable with, go for it! Your sensibilities aren’t ours, and maybe you don’t drive as much as we do out here in Kansas.

Diapers

Unless you’re one of those parents that potty trains their babies at 10 weeks, you’re going to need diapers for a while. I recommend getting at least one package of disposables (or one cloth diaper of whatever type you’re going to use) of the size up from the one baby is going to need, so that you can try them on and see when baby is ready to move up a size. This has definitely come in handy.

We use a combination of cloth diapers during the day and disposables at night (diaper rash is the worst, yo) and that has worked well for us. I won’t preach at you about which you should use but I will say one thing. If you are going to cloth diaper, do your research!! There’s about a billion and one different companies out there with about two dozen different types of diapers you can use: prefold, fitted, two-in-one, all-in-one, a robot diaper that puts itself on, you get the picture. It’s going to be overwhelming if you wait until the last minute to make a choice. Also, if you go the cloth diaper route, Facebook marketplace or other such sites are a great resource for gently used diapers. That may gross some people out and you can definitely buy new, but it’s definitely more cost effective!

Cloth diapers are good for the environment.
Seriously though, babies go through so many diapers.

Bed

I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but newborns sleep on average between 14 and 17 hours a day. Hopefully, at least some of that isn’t in your arms, so that you can get some shut eye too! So your baby is going to need somewhere to sleep. If you decide to cosleep, you probably won’t have to purchase anything, but otherwise you have some options. You can buy a crib, and eventually you’re going to need one. But for us, at least initially, it was easiest to have him close to us.

That doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy an expensive and fancy bassinet (although they make some pretty cool ones nowadays, that can rock the baby back to sleep if he gets fussy!). We ended up with a pack-and-play that had a bassinet layer that we used for the first 3 months of his life, and we have friends who genuinely went the laundry basket route since it was easy to prop up a little bit and their baby had pretty bad acid reflux. Some of this is going to be dictated by how much space you have, but definitely don’t feel bad if your kid doesn’t have anywhere fancy to sleep. They’ll probably be just fine, and it’s hard to resent you for something they can’t even remember.

In Finland they give all newborns a box of baby necessities. Even the box is used as a bassinet.

Very Useful

Nursing Chair

Right now our son is exclusively breastfed, and fortunately he is reasonably easy to nurse. I can feed him anywhere. That does not mean, however, that it is comfortable to feed him just anywhere. Find a comfy chair (and if you don’t have one, consider buying one) with nice armrests and a plush seat. If possible, sit in it beforehand and see if holding your arms in a breastfeeding position is comfortable.

Breast Pump

A very useful tool to have in your arsenal, whether you have to go back to work or just want dad to help out with the feeding so you can have a moment to yourself, is the breast pump. Insurance is required to cover a breast pump, although I would consider looking into what kinds your insurance is willing to cover as it may differ from insurance to insurance. Also, look into what type of pump your hospital uses, as they will likely send you home with any pieces you used and it would be nice to have a pump they are compatible with.

Diaper Bag

There are multitudes of different diaper bags out there, so as always you should do your research. If you want you can just use a regular backpack or large purse, or you can get fancy with it and buy one that has a collapsible bassinet in it. Here’s my advice: before you buy a bag, hold a 10 pound bag of rice in one arm and try to open the bag with just one hand. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have almost dropped my son because I was trying to open his diaper bag and the zipper was being difficult.

Nursing Pads

There’s no way to get around it. If you’re going to nurse, you are going to leak. And not only can it be awkward and embarrassing, but if it happens to you in the middle of the night it can be cold and uncomfortable! There are disposable nursing pads and reusable nursing pads, but I’ve found that the easiest to use are the reusable ones. They aren’t stuck to your clothing so you can readjust them when you roll over and still get coverage, and they wash up as good as new. Whatever you use, buy a lot of them. You’re going to want at least a week’s worth if you buy reusable, one for each day and each night.

Burp Cloths

Our son eats fast, and I apparently let down milk pretty fast. Add to this information that the sphincter at the bottom of baby’s throats may not be fully developed until they are one year old, and what you get is a recipe for a spit up machine. In his first 4 months of life there was not a single day David and I didn’t both change our shirts at least once. So make sure to get nice, absorbent burp cloths. If you’re handy with a sewing machine, you can make some nice ones yourself by backing a nice cotton fabric with a cheap reusable flat diaper. One of our friends gave us these as a baby shower gift and I have never been so thankful.

Flops (for us)

Boppy Pillow

Some people swear by the Boppy pillow, so don’t take my word as law. But I never could get it to work for me, and nowadays we are only finally getting a little use out of it by using it to help him learn to sit up on his own. If something doesn’t seem like it will be of use to you, then don’t buy it! You can always try a friend’s and buy it later if you find out you like it.

Swing

Once again, please don’t crucify me. The friend that gifted us ours said it was a miracle sent from heaven above, but our little boy just hated it! It’s totally fine to try a few different things out and see what works best for you. Don’t feel bad if what worked for someone else just isn’t working for you, because no baby is the same.

In conclusion

Think of this post not as a checklist, but more as a starting point. It’s possible that some of the things on this list will be totally unimportant to you, and it’s possible that there will be things I didn’t have here that you will absolutely need. What you and your baby require is going to be unique, since you and your baby are unique! I hope I’ve at least given you some ideas, and eased your mind a little on fears that you are woefully under-prepared. You’ve got this!

What do you think? Which of these did you use the most with your baby? Do you disagree with my picks? Let us know in the comments below!

David’s Note: Honestly the most important things you can give your newborn are love, care, and consistency. And that car seat. The nurse made me re-hook up the car seat at the hospital. There are really nice gadgets and toys that can make raising a baby easier, but I never wanted to be the kind of parent who throws money at a problem to make it go away. Raising a newborn is work, but the work is what makes it fun. Love is the most important thing. Love for your baby, obviously, but just as important is love for your spouse. Kids deserve to grow up in a loving household.

0

How to be a Book Lover on a Budget

Posted on by Courtney
My actual bookshelf

Just about anyone that knows me knows that I love books. It’s been a passion from childhood. However, growing up without much, I had to support this passion on the cheap. We are going to talk about ways to help you acquire books, and ways to keep you reading for free.

Buy Secondhand

I know this seems obvious, but we may as well start here. There are several different ways you could get your hands on some gently used and cheap books, some more traditional and some more modern.

  • Used bookstore: Many towns that are over 5,000 people (I feel your pain if you’re in too small of a town, I spent my teen years in a town of 1,000) will have a used bookstore of some kind. Where we live there are Half-Price Bookstores, as well as several mom-and-pop style used bookstores. Their prices may not be the lowest possible, but you’re more likely to find nice quality books than you might from other places, and they have a larger selection since they’re dedicated bookstores. Also, they’ll almost always be cheaper than new bookstores unless you want fancy old books.
  • Thrift stores: I know thrift stores are very “in” right now, but that’s usually for clothes. I have friends that didn’t know thrift stores even had books! They’ll usually be in the back by the knickknacks and furniture. The books may not be in as great of shape as you can find them elsewhere, but it’s hard to beat the price!
  • Online used book stores: Places like Thriftbooks can be a really great alternative to eBay or Amazon (although in my experience some places list their books through multiple sites. I’ve found the exact same book on Thriftbooks and eBay before). You can also look at books and see which copies they have and what condition they may be in. Definitely a good option, especially when for Thriftbooks you can get free shipping on orders of more than $10!
  • Library sales: A lot of libraries will occasionally have sales where they sell books that are in slight disrepair or aren’t borrowed very often. These are great ways to get new books, especially if you go on one of the last days when books are usually half off! Also, check and see if your local library has a bookstore inside that does this year round. Ours does! It’s not quite as large a selection as the big sale, but definitely worth a check. 
  • Yard sales: If you’re looking for a specific book this isn’t going to work for you. But if you want to just look for something that seems fun, this may be the most cost effective way. During the spring and summer there are lots of garage and yard sales, and one of the things people love to get rid of are books (why??). They’re usually marked very cheap, and you may be able to haggle yourself a deal. Don’t forget to check out estate sales, as often a lot of books are sold there since family doesn’t have an emotional connection to them.

Free Access to Books

If you don’t feel the need to own every book you read, or if you’re occasionally able to deny the urge to do so, you can borrow or rent them! In our modern age there are a lot more ways to do this than there used to be, which is great news for us bibliophiles.

  • Libraries: Look, I know everyone knows this but sometimes you need to be reminded to actually use your library! Especially after 2020 where you may have gotten out of the habit.
  • Library Book Apps: On the topic of libraries, nowadays most libraries will grant you access not only to the physical books they own, but also ebooks and audiobooks! There are a lot of different apps, so be sure to look up which one your library uses. Your library may even use more than one. My old library in Nebraska uses both Overdrive (and it’s more interface-friendly companion app Libby) and Hoopla. Also, be aware that you may technically be in the jurisdiction of two separate libraries. Our local library and the county libraries both have e-library cards, and I can have both!
  • Librivox: Librivox is a crowd-sourced audiobook catalog. What that means is individuals can record themselves reading the books, upload it to Librivox, and then you can listen to them. Their library is entirely books in the public domain so that nobody has to pay either to upload their own version or to listen to the audiobooks. For me Librivox is hit or miss because anyone can upload, but you can definitely find some gems here!
  • Internet Archive: Internet Archive is a website that, among other things, has ebooks that can be viewed online (unfortunately they don’t have an app). They can be a little difficult to browse through, but if that doesn’t bother you then enjoy! You can either view books they have that are just available to be read, or you can use it as a regular library and check books out.
  • Google Books: Google has scanned and put lots of books and magazines online on Google Books. If the work is (once again) in the public domain, it will be free in its entirety either at the link or on the Google Play Books app. If it is not in the public domain, it may sometimes just be the first chapter. At least that way you can see if you like it without committing to buy it! They also show you where you can buy it, or nearby libraries that have it (at least on the website, I haven’t played around with the app).
  • Amazon eBooks: Public domain, we meet again my old friend. If a book is in the public domain, odds are good that Amazon has a free ebook version of it. 

Paid Services

If you like ebooks or audiobooks, and want access to a larger catalog than your library has, you have some paid options. These are usually monthly subscriptions, but they can be an excellent option if you don’t care if you own the books outright.

  • Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited: Amazon has a service called Kindle Unlimited that allows you to read as many of their ebooks, magazines, and audiobooks for $10/month. If your library’s ebook selection is small and you don’t mind a monthly fee, it seems to have a lot available on there!
  • Audible et al: Audible, and other services like it, allow you to listen to audiobooks in their library for a monthly fee. One of the benefits is they usually have a lot more books than your library might, and you don’t have to wait if someone else has it checked out. Audible is only $8/month, and they have original versions of books! If you get their premium version, which is seven dollars more expensive, you can keep one audiobook a month, permanently (even if you cancel your subscription). I didn’t do any research into the other audiobook services that are out there, but there are a lot so look into them if you have an interest. Some could be cheaper, or work better for you. 

Miscellaneous 

Here are some extra ways to get your hands on free or almost free books! These didn’t fit in my previous categories, but I thought you should hear about them anyway.

  • Have a bookish friend (or two or three): If you love books, odds are you’ve got at least one friend who rivals you in the same love. Borrow some of their books! I imagine your tastes in books have to overlap somewhere, and you can trade with one another. Just make sure to keep track of what you’ve borrowed and lent. Nobody wants to lose a book!
  • ILL: If your library doesn’t have a book you’d really like to read, they can get an  inter library loan from another library! It may take a while, but it can definitely save you money.
  • ARC Reviewing: ARC stands for Advanced Reader Copy. Many publishers or even just authors themselves send out ARCs to drum up interest in their books. There are websites like NetGalley where you can request ARCs in return for reviewing them. If this is something that interests you, look into it! There’s a lot of information on how to request ARCs online. 
  • Tiny Libraries: Check out littlefreelibrary.org to see if there are any little libraries near you! These libraries allow you to take a book and leave a book, which can lead to some fun reading material since you never know what you may find. You could even consider building one of your own and registering it. Then you could have a mini library in your front yard. You’ll need to look into the legality of this in your town but definitely worth checking into!

Conclusion

There are a lot of great ways to love books on a budget, and I’m sure I haven’t covered them all. Be sure to leave anything I forgot in the comments, or let us know your favorite idea from the article!

David’s note:

Like Courtney, I also like books. I just don’t like reading. My rule for myself has been: The library is for books you want to read, and the bookstore is for books you want to own. The kind of books we buy are the ones we want to keep forever. The kind you keep returning to and want to read to your kids eventually. And for everything else the library is great.