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Keeping Up With The (Digital) Joneses

I’ll be honest: I’m a little bit of a curmudgeon. A scrooge, my husband sometimes (affectionately?) calls me. So when we got engaged, it was no surprise that I decided that I didn’t want to spare the money for an engagement photo shoot. It seemed like a waste of money and time, since we would be getting wedding photos in a few short months anyhow. I’m still glad we didn’t get them, but I remember we were probably the only people in our friend groups who didn’t.

The same thing happened again when I got pregnant. I don’t particularly understand the allure of maternity photo shoots, and I honestly didn’t really care to have pictures of my 9 month pregnant self out there. But again, I felt very much like I was in the minority! Then there’s the newborn photo shoot, first birthday photo shoot, family photo shoot, Christmas card photo shoot, 100th photo shoot photo shoot… you get the picture (pun not intended, but very much appreciated).

Keeping up with the Joneses

Look, I’m not here to rag on photography. Okay, maybe I am a little. But what I would like to talk about is the fact that even though I don’t care to have lots of pictures, and even though I don’t like spending money on intangible things, and even though I hate taking pictures, I still felt pressure to get all of these photo shoots! Fortunately I’m usually able to overcome it, but the pressure is there nonetheless. How does a person survive in a world where “keeping up with the Joneses” is not just a personal desire but an external pressure?

I think part of the problem is that “the Joneses” are no longer just your neighbors. They’re your Facebook friends or the people that follow you on Instagram. The desire to keep up that perfect persona is amplified by the digital sphere in ways our parents never experienced. You see the perfect lives of other people, and want to present a perfect life yourself. In some small, rational corner of our brain that’s left we may recognize that those other people are probably editing their lives to look better, but it’s so hard to actually listen to that when all the happy pictures are staring us in the face!

The Joneses’ Experiences aren’t even Real

Taking it back to my earlier example of photography, we can see how much easier this staged form of life has become. In the past if you ate at a really great restaurant you had to personally brag to your friends the next time you saw them. Now, you take a quick picture of your meal, tag the restaurant, and post it to Instagram. Boom, now all your friends know that your life is worth being jealous of. None of them will even know if you didn’t like the food.

Look at it. Look at it.

The sheer volume of “Joneses” that you have is also an issue. In real life, I spend time around a grand total of maybe 25 people? Sure I see more at church, but that’s about the amount of people who I actually talk to in an average week. It’s possible one of them went on an amazing trip or bought a new car or got a puppy, but the odds are reasonably low. If I log onto Facebook, on the other hand, I have 352 friends! The odds of that jealousy-inducing, impulse-purchase-causing story just went up by like 1000%.

Now I have not only my personal envy issues to contend with, but just the sheer social pressure of dozens of my friends doing something. I may not be all that interested in visiting the Mall of America, but if lots of people I know visit it, by the end of the 2 dozenth album of what so-and-so did on their visit I’m going to feel like I have to go!

Our Experience

As an example, we had a baby roughly 6 months ago. One of the options AT THE HOSPITAL was to get a newborn baby photo shoot. Look, I’m sick and tired of feeling like I have to get this newborn photo shoot. I’ve considered it, a lot, but they’re just not for me. We have nice phones and can take perfectly good pictures ourselves. But the minute I decided I wasn’t going to get one, I felt bad because everyone I know got one.

Do they know something I don’t know? Will I be missing out on something? What’s it going to look like if I don’t get this photo shoot even if everyone else did? Why do I feel bad for not buying something that I don’t even want? I don’t like that it feels like my monetary decisions (and even my decisions that aren’t monetary) feel like they’re being dictated by other people. Being freed from that feeling that you need to follow the crowd is not only good for your soul…it’s good for your wallet as well.

As conscientious consumers, we need to be working to make the monetary decisions that actually bring us joy. That’s going to take work, and a decent amount of introspection. Don’t just do the thing you think you should do. One of the main tenets of FIRE is to work to spend your money on what is actually important to you. So start spending it on things that you truly care about. And maybe stop spending it on photo shoots lol.

What do you think? Did I rag on photography too much? What are you sick of feeling pressured to do/buy? Let us know in the comments below!

David’s Note

Yeah Courtney is a scrooge. She doesn’t even like multicolored Christmas lights all over the house! But she’s my scrooge. She does have a point though about feeling bad for not buying something that everyone else buys. I feel it too even though I don’t care what most people think of me. The fear of man is a powerful force (Proverbs 29:25). We have to work hard to overcome it.

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What do you Actually Need for Your Baby?

As David has mentioned, we somewhat recently had our first baby, a little boy. That’s about all the information I’m willing to give you on that. I value my son’s privacy. Before he had made his grand entrance, we did a lot of research on what babies actually need, and the results were…mixed. Some people told us you need a car seat and a laundry basket to use as a bed, and that was it. Others gave us a laundry list.

After sorting through the advice (and obtaining some of that ever important valuable research tool, first-hand experience), here are my suggestions. This is going to list more “big ticket items”, so don’t expect me to go into what brand we used or whether I think you should get diaper cream or baby powder or something small like that. Just the highlights for what you’ll want waiting for you when you come home from the hospital.

I find I agree with Ron Swanson on more and more things every year.
“What I’m just gonna carry around a picture of my child where anyone can see them?” – Ron Swanson

Non-Negotiables

Car Seat

Unless you use public transit for all of your traveling needs, you are going to need a car seat. They will not let you leave the hospital without one in your car. This is the only baby item we insisted on purchasing new. Because even if it hasn’t reached it’s expiration date, the constant everyday wear that occurs during routine stops and starts in your car eventually weaken the plastic. I’d prefer to have the longest amount of safe use possible. However, if you find a new or almost new car seat at a garage sale or second hand store and that’s something you’re comfortable with, go for it! Your sensibilities aren’t ours, and maybe you don’t drive as much as we do out here in Kansas.

Diapers

Unless you’re one of those parents that potty trains their babies at 10 weeks, you’re going to need diapers for a while. I recommend getting at least one package of disposables (or one cloth diaper of whatever type you’re going to use) of the size up from the one baby is going to need, so that you can try them on and see when baby is ready to move up a size. This has definitely come in handy.

We use a combination of cloth diapers during the day and disposables at night (diaper rash is the worst, yo) and that has worked well for us. I won’t preach at you about which you should use but I will say one thing. If you are going to cloth diaper, do your research!! There’s about a billion and one different companies out there with about two dozen different types of diapers you can use: prefold, fitted, two-in-one, all-in-one, a robot diaper that puts itself on, you get the picture. It’s going to be overwhelming if you wait until the last minute to make a choice. Also, if you go the cloth diaper route, Facebook marketplace or other such sites are a great resource for gently used diapers. That may gross some people out and you can definitely buy new, but it’s definitely more cost effective!

Cloth diapers are good for the environment.
Seriously though, babies go through so many diapers.

Bed

I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but newborns sleep on average between 14 and 17 hours a day. Hopefully, at least some of that isn’t in your arms, so that you can get some shut eye too! So your baby is going to need somewhere to sleep. If you decide to cosleep, you probably won’t have to purchase anything, but otherwise you have some options. You can buy a crib, and eventually you’re going to need one. But for us, at least initially, it was easiest to have him close to us.

That doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy an expensive and fancy bassinet (although they make some pretty cool ones nowadays, that can rock the baby back to sleep if he gets fussy!). We ended up with a pack-and-play that had a bassinet layer that we used for the first 3 months of his life, and we have friends who genuinely went the laundry basket route since it was easy to prop up a little bit and their baby had pretty bad acid reflux. Some of this is going to be dictated by how much space you have, but definitely don’t feel bad if your kid doesn’t have anywhere fancy to sleep. They’ll probably be just fine, and it’s hard to resent you for something they can’t even remember.

In Finland they give all newborns a box of baby necessities. Even the box is used as a bassinet.

Very Useful

Nursing Chair

Right now our son is exclusively breastfed, and fortunately he is reasonably easy to nurse. I can feed him anywhere. That does not mean, however, that it is comfortable to feed him just anywhere. Find a comfy chair (and if you don’t have one, consider buying one) with nice armrests and a plush seat. If possible, sit in it beforehand and see if holding your arms in a breastfeeding position is comfortable.

Breast Pump

A very useful tool to have in your arsenal, whether you have to go back to work or just want dad to help out with the feeding so you can have a moment to yourself, is the breast pump. Insurance is required to cover a breast pump, although I would consider looking into what kinds your insurance is willing to cover as it may differ from insurance to insurance. Also, look into what type of pump your hospital uses, as they will likely send you home with any pieces you used and it would be nice to have a pump they are compatible with.

Diaper Bag

There are multitudes of different diaper bags out there, so as always you should do your research. If you want you can just use a regular backpack or large purse, or you can get fancy with it and buy one that has a collapsible bassinet in it. Here’s my advice: before you buy a bag, hold a 10 pound bag of rice in one arm and try to open the bag with just one hand. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have almost dropped my son because I was trying to open his diaper bag and the zipper was being difficult.

Nursing Pads

There’s no way to get around it. If you’re going to nurse, you are going to leak. And not only can it be awkward and embarrassing, but if it happens to you in the middle of the night it can be cold and uncomfortable! There are disposable nursing pads and reusable nursing pads, but I’ve found that the easiest to use are the reusable ones. They aren’t stuck to your clothing so you can readjust them when you roll over and still get coverage, and they wash up as good as new. Whatever you use, buy a lot of them. You’re going to want at least a week’s worth if you buy reusable, one for each day and each night.

Burp Cloths

Our son eats fast, and I apparently let down milk pretty fast. Add to this information that the sphincter at the bottom of baby’s throats may not be fully developed until they are one year old, and what you get is a recipe for a spit up machine. In his first 4 months of life there was not a single day David and I didn’t both change our shirts at least once. So make sure to get nice, absorbent burp cloths. If you’re handy with a sewing machine, you can make some nice ones yourself by backing a nice cotton fabric with a cheap reusable flat diaper. One of our friends gave us these as a baby shower gift and I have never been so thankful.

Flops (for us)

Boppy Pillow

Some people swear by the Boppy pillow, so don’t take my word as law. But I never could get it to work for me, and nowadays we are only finally getting a little use out of it by using it to help him learn to sit up on his own. If something doesn’t seem like it will be of use to you, then don’t buy it! You can always try a friend’s and buy it later if you find out you like it.

Swing

Once again, please don’t crucify me. The friend that gifted us ours said it was a miracle sent from heaven above, but our little boy just hated it! It’s totally fine to try a few different things out and see what works best for you. Don’t feel bad if what worked for someone else just isn’t working for you, because no baby is the same.

In conclusion

Think of this post not as a checklist, but more as a starting point. It’s possible that some of the things on this list will be totally unimportant to you, and it’s possible that there will be things I didn’t have here that you will absolutely need. What you and your baby require is going to be unique, since you and your baby are unique! I hope I’ve at least given you some ideas, and eased your mind a little on fears that you are woefully under-prepared. You’ve got this!

What do you think? Which of these did you use the most with your baby? Do you disagree with my picks? Let us know in the comments below!

David’s Note: Honestly the most important things you can give your newborn are love, care, and consistency. And that car seat. The nurse made me re-hook up the car seat at the hospital. There are really nice gadgets and toys that can make raising a baby easier, but I never wanted to be the kind of parent who throws money at a problem to make it go away. Raising a newborn is work, but the work is what makes it fun. Love is the most important thing. Love for your baby, obviously, but just as important is love for your spouse. Kids deserve to grow up in a loving household.

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How to be a Book Lover on a Budget

My actual bookshelf

Just about anyone that knows me knows that I love books. It’s been a passion from childhood. However, growing up without much, I had to support this passion on the cheap. We are going to talk about ways to help you acquire books, and ways to keep you reading for free.

Buy Secondhand

I know this seems obvious, but we may as well start here. There are several different ways you could get your hands on some gently used and cheap books, some more traditional and some more modern.

  • Used bookstore: Many towns that are over 5,000 people (I feel your pain if you’re in too small of a town, I spent my teen years in a town of 1,000) will have a used bookstore of some kind. Where we live there are Half-Price Bookstores, as well as several mom-and-pop style used bookstores. Their prices may not be the lowest possible, but you’re more likely to find nice quality books than you might from other places, and they have a larger selection since they’re dedicated bookstores. Also, they’ll almost always be cheaper than new bookstores unless you want fancy old books.
  • Thrift stores: I know thrift stores are very “in” right now, but that’s usually for clothes. I have friends that didn’t know thrift stores even had books! They’ll usually be in the back by the knickknacks and furniture. The books may not be in as great of shape as you can find them elsewhere, but it’s hard to beat the price!
  • Online used book stores: Places like Thriftbooks can be a really great alternative to eBay or Amazon (although in my experience some places list their books through multiple sites. I’ve found the exact same book on Thriftbooks and eBay before). You can also look at books and see which copies they have and what condition they may be in. Definitely a good option, especially when for Thriftbooks you can get free shipping on orders of more than $10!
  • Library sales: A lot of libraries will occasionally have sales where they sell books that are in slight disrepair or aren’t borrowed very often. These are great ways to get new books, especially if you go on one of the last days when books are usually half off! Also, check and see if your local library has a bookstore inside that does this year round. Ours does! It’s not quite as large a selection as the big sale, but definitely worth a check. 
  • Yard sales: If you’re looking for a specific book this isn’t going to work for you. But if you want to just look for something that seems fun, this may be the most cost effective way. During the spring and summer there are lots of garage and yard sales, and one of the things people love to get rid of are books (why??). They’re usually marked very cheap, and you may be able to haggle yourself a deal. Don’t forget to check out estate sales, as often a lot of books are sold there since family doesn’t have an emotional connection to them.

Free Access to Books

If you don’t feel the need to own every book you read, or if you’re occasionally able to deny the urge to do so, you can borrow or rent them! In our modern age there are a lot more ways to do this than there used to be, which is great news for us bibliophiles.

  • Libraries: Look, I know everyone knows this but sometimes you need to be reminded to actually use your library! Especially after 2020 where you may have gotten out of the habit.
  • Library Book Apps: On the topic of libraries, nowadays most libraries will grant you access not only to the physical books they own, but also ebooks and audiobooks! There are a lot of different apps, so be sure to look up which one your library uses. Your library may even use more than one. My old library in Nebraska uses both Overdrive (and it’s more interface-friendly companion app Libby) and Hoopla. Also, be aware that you may technically be in the jurisdiction of two separate libraries. Our local library and the county libraries both have e-library cards, and I can have both!
  • Librivox: Librivox is a crowd-sourced audiobook catalog. What that means is individuals can record themselves reading the books, upload it to Librivox, and then you can listen to them. Their library is entirely books in the public domain so that nobody has to pay either to upload their own version or to listen to the audiobooks. For me Librivox is hit or miss because anyone can upload, but you can definitely find some gems here!
  • Internet Archive: Internet Archive is a website that, among other things, has ebooks that can be viewed online (unfortunately they don’t have an app). They can be a little difficult to browse through, but if that doesn’t bother you then enjoy! You can either view books they have that are just available to be read, or you can use it as a regular library and check books out.
  • Google Books: Google has scanned and put lots of books and magazines online on Google Books. If the work is (once again) in the public domain, it will be free in its entirety either at the link or on the Google Play Books app. If it is not in the public domain, it may sometimes just be the first chapter. At least that way you can see if you like it without committing to buy it! They also show you where you can buy it, or nearby libraries that have it (at least on the website, I haven’t played around with the app).
  • Amazon eBooks: Public domain, we meet again my old friend. If a book is in the public domain, odds are good that Amazon has a free ebook version of it. 

Paid Services

If you like ebooks or audiobooks, and want access to a larger catalog than your library has, you have some paid options. These are usually monthly subscriptions, but they can be an excellent option if you don’t care if you own the books outright.

  • Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited: Amazon has a service called Kindle Unlimited that allows you to read as many of their ebooks, magazines, and audiobooks for $10/month. If your library’s ebook selection is small and you don’t mind a monthly fee, it seems to have a lot available on there!
  • Audible et al: Audible, and other services like it, allow you to listen to audiobooks in their library for a monthly fee. One of the benefits is they usually have a lot more books than your library might, and you don’t have to wait if someone else has it checked out. Audible is only $8/month, and they have original versions of books! If you get their premium version, which is seven dollars more expensive, you can keep one audiobook a month, permanently (even if you cancel your subscription). I didn’t do any research into the other audiobook services that are out there, but there are a lot so look into them if you have an interest. Some could be cheaper, or work better for you. 

Miscellaneous 

Here are some extra ways to get your hands on free or almost free books! These didn’t fit in my previous categories, but I thought you should hear about them anyway.

  • Have a bookish friend (or two or three): If you love books, odds are you’ve got at least one friend who rivals you in the same love. Borrow some of their books! I imagine your tastes in books have to overlap somewhere, and you can trade with one another. Just make sure to keep track of what you’ve borrowed and lent. Nobody wants to lose a book!
  • ILL: If your library doesn’t have a book you’d really like to read, they can get an  inter library loan from another library! It may take a while, but it can definitely save you money.
  • ARC Reviewing: ARC stands for Advanced Reader Copy. Many publishers or even just authors themselves send out ARCs to drum up interest in their books. There are websites like NetGalley where you can request ARCs in return for reviewing them. If this is something that interests you, look into it! There’s a lot of information on how to request ARCs online. 
  • Tiny Libraries: Check out littlefreelibrary.org to see if there are any little libraries near you! These libraries allow you to take a book and leave a book, which can lead to some fun reading material since you never know what you may find. You could even consider building one of your own and registering it. Then you could have a mini library in your front yard. You’ll need to look into the legality of this in your town but definitely worth checking into!

Conclusion

There are a lot of great ways to love books on a budget, and I’m sure I haven’t covered them all. Be sure to leave anything I forgot in the comments, or let us know your favorite idea from the article!

David’s note:

Like Courtney, I also like books. I just don’t like reading. My rule for myself has been: The library is for books you want to read, and the bookstore is for books you want to own. The kind of books we buy are the ones we want to keep forever. The kind you keep returning to and want to read to your kids eventually. And for everything else the library is great.

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Ten Lessons I Learned Growing Up With Little

I suppose an introduction is required. My name is Courtney, and I’m David’s wife. We’ve been married for almost 7 years, and we have a little boy who was just born this year. Quarantine babies, am I right? We make a pretty good living right now, but when we were newlyweds we lived off of David’s graduate student salary. It put us below the poverty line, technically, but I felt richer than I ever had before. My parents were missionaries for most of my early childhood, and then they just had my dad’s pastoral salary with all three of us kids. We had very little.

Living off of that small amount is what taught me the following ten lessons, which I think could be valuable for you too.

Learn to do it yourself if you can

I learned this very early from my dad. When we first moved overseas, the house my parents were given by the mission had a lot of work that needed done. Subfloors were rotten, closets needed built, kitchen cabinets needed installed, and the house needed a water heater–to name a few things. We lived way out in the absolute middle of nowhere, so hiring professionals would have been incredibly difficult and incredibly expensive. So instead my dad buckled down and learned to do everything he could. He had help when it came to the technical aspects from people who came down from the States, but he soaked up everything he could and was never merely a bystander in the process. Even now, when he and my mom have far more disposable income than they had ever had in their lives, my dad still does most of the work on projects around the house. For example last year he and my brother put a new engine in an old Miata my dad had bought off of Craigslist! 

My dad learned how to do these things out of necessity, but I also know that a job well done brings him a great sense of pride and fulfillment. That’s the lesson I’m currently taking from learning to do things myself. I can afford nice store-bought bread, but the sense of accomplishment I get from making a loaf of bread, and having it come out of the oven perfect and fluffy, can’t be bought. I’m not advocating that you have to be able to fully build, wire, and plumb your own house (unless that’s what you really want to do), but I am saying that you should learn all you can. It can save you a lot of money, give you a great sense of accomplishment, and be a fun talking point. 

Things taste better when you’ve worked hard for them

I will be honest, gardening is not my favorite thing. Every year as a teen I would dread the days mom would send us outside to pick green beans. The plants are itchy on bare legs, hide a million bugs that are just waiting to jump on you, and seem to have a never-ending supply of beans that you have to search and search for. Seriously, no matter how many times you turn the plant to a different side, there’s always some you missed. It was always worth it though, because eating something you worked for is so satisfying. I find the same thing to be true with home cooking. Homemade cheesecake tastes better than store-bought because of all the effort that went into it. The fortunate thing here is that not only does it taste better, it’s usually cheaper too. Also, if you’re making it yourself you can add more sugar to ensure it tastes better!

Second hand does not mean subpar

When I was young shopping at thrift stores was embarrassing. I know thrifting is less embarrassing now than it was 20 years ago, but I can’t tell you how much I wished that I could own anything new. Finally, for my 16th birthday my aunt gave me a gift card for Old Navy. I was thrilled, and immediately bought myself a new pair of jeans (which basically used up the whole gift card). Then the next week when we were at the thrift store I found the exact same pair of jeans–for one dollar. I learned my lesson right there. Even now I hardly ever buy anything new, because I know Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, or the thrift store will likely have what I need. Buying used doesn’t mean having to buy old or broken and just “making it work”. The furniture in my son’s bedroom is in great shape and cost less than $150 for a solid wood dresser with a hutch, a bedframe, and a nightstand. That’s less than if I had bought cheap particle board furniture from Walmart and if I didn’t know it was 20 years old I’d never have guessed!

You’re not saving money by buying something on sale if you wouldn’t have bought it otherwise

This is pretty straightforward. If you buy something just because it’s on sale, but don’t actually need it, then you’re not saving anything at all. This isn’t to say it isn’t a good idea to occasionally buy toilet paper or other necessities when they are on sale. But if you buy the cute dress you find on sale even though you have plenty of other dresses that you’ve never worn hanging in your closet, you’re wasting money.

A lot of the things that we “can’t live without” we could not only could live without, but genuinely don’t need

I, like many housewives, have watched my fair share of HGTV. I really enjoy seeing a house transformed, and also seeing all the cool new gadgets and interesting features that can be added to a home. What always bugs me though, is when people call things like heated floors “must haves”. It’s OK for these kinds of things to be goals, but I think as a society we need to get away from the thought of gadgets and accessories being things we need to have rather than what they are–luxuries. We don’t need these things to survive, and not only that but we don’t need them at all! I really enjoyed the car we had when we were first married that had heated seats. But when we were looking for another car and found a reasonably priced one without heated seats, I was fine with that. Because heated seats are a luxury, and I don’t need them. 

Anything can be a luxury if you consider it so

And yet luxuries are nice! I don’t think anybody wants to live in the absolute most Spartan fashion. We all like a little something that makes us feel like we are living “the good life”. Unfortunately a lot of people take this desire too far, and end up with maxed out credit cards and luxury vehicles they can’t afford. Instead of spending a crazy amount of money in order to feel like you’ve made it, I would recommend that you reframe your thinking. 

While we lived overseas, my parents made it explicitly clear that we were not to drink the tap water. I think it had something to do with bacteria in the water that our guts were unable to tolerate, but honestly I was pretty little and all I took from their lesson was that tap water was off-limits. When we moved back to the United States, my dad made a big show of pouring himself a glass of water from the sink. My siblings and I were amazed! What a luxury to be able to drink the tap water without boiling it. In fact, I thought it was so much of a luxury that I was later found washing my hand in the tub so as not to waste the drinking water. 

What a simple thing, but it made me feel like we were living large. This kind of attitude is something we should try to cultivate. Make your morning cup of homemade coffee special by having it in a comfy seat at a time where you won’t be bothered so you can really enjoy it. Make a regular night at home fancy by popping popcorn, turning down the lights, and enjoying a movie. Little things can be luxuries if you allow yourself to luxuriate in them.

Things are nice, but don’t make your happiness contingent on them

We moved a lot. Like, a lot a lot. By the time I was 12 we had moved 15 times. When you move that often, you have to condense your belongings drastically. My parents couldn’t afford to ship heavy furniture overseas, and weren’t willing to waste valuable space on a giant stuffed animal collection. I got really used to getting rid of toys and clothes, even ones I still liked, because it wouldn’t fit in our new home or we didn’t have space to bring it in the first place. 

When my great-grandmother passed away, my grandma decided to move to my home town to be closer to my parents. We went down to help her downsize, as she was going to be moving from a 2 story, 5 bedroom house (plus full walk-in attic and basement) to a ranch with 2 small bedrooms. My mother went through the house with her systematically, trying to find things she could part with, but it was like pulling teeth! She’d ask if she could get rid of a dutch oven that was full of dust on a shelf my grandmother couldn’t even reach, but grandma would say, “Oh I can’t get rid of that, so and so gave it to me at my wedding.” 

I was fortunate to learn that things don’t bring you happiness at a young age. My grandma, while not having fully attached her happiness to these things, was definitely emotionally attached to them. She had a very hard time parting with them, because she had a sentimental attachment to everything she’d ever owned, even if she’d never used it! Being emotionally attached to things is a big problem, but attaching your happiness to them is even worse for you. Having a hard time getting rid of things can be overcome, but if you attach your happiness to having those things it becomes almost impossible. After all, how can you stand to get rid of it if it will make you unhappy? You not only are unhappy about losing it, but you can easily allow that unhappiness to sour whatever caused you to lose it–even if it was a happy thing that caused it! Even if you really want a baby, you can easily become angry towards them if you have to sell a sports car you had attached your happiness to just to afford the child. Or maybe you get a great new job opportunity, but you have to downsize from your beautifully decorated house and get rid of many of your favorite furnishings. It would be easy to begin to resent the job if you had elevated those things in your life so much that they dictated your happiness.

The thing is, at the end of the day these are all just things. You are allowed to like things, and you are allowed to be made happy by things. But you can’t allow those things to dictate whether or not you are happy. 

Living on less can make your relationships stronger

This one is counterintuitive, I know. Money is the number one reason for divorce, so I recognize that things can go the other way. But when you don’t have much, all you have is each other. If you allow having little to teach you to work together instead of allowing it to tear you apart, the bond you build is going to be incredibly strong. David and I had very little when we were first married, and we were immensely happy with each other. I think our relationship was built on a very solid foundation because it was founded on our love for each other, not the things we had. It was a lot of hard work, but in the end it paid off with a relationship that can weather just about anything.

Being generous does not require a big income

One of the biggest impressions my parents made on me has to do with donating. My dad is a pastor, and for most of my childhood my mom didn’t work. But every first Sunday of the month my mom would write a check and put it in the offering plate, same as everyone else. They also supported ministries in the area, including nonprofits that helped out single mothers. Even though they didn’t have much, they still made sure that they were donating where they could. This made a big impression on me. Even when you don’t feel like you have a lot, helping your fellow man is important! There are a lot of ways you can be generous, even if you don’t donate to charity in the traditional way, and you don’t even have to have a dime to do some of them.

A grateful attitude makes much of little

And conversely, an envious attitude makes even much feel little. Desiring what others have instead of being grateful for what you already have sours you to anything that isn’t the thing you want. Let’s look at a Bible story for this one. How about King David and Bathsheba? We know from the Bible that David had at least 7 wives before he met Bathsheba, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t just be happy with what he had, he wanted more! And in the end, it ended up costing him greatly. He became a murderer, and lost the son he and Bathsheba had. This envious attitude only leads to hurt and loss. On the other hand, when you are grateful for what you have, it doesn’t feel so small. I was grateful for the clothes, toys, and games I had, and I never felt like I had too little. But an honest recollection makes it clear to me that I didn’t really have all that much. I knew plenty of kids that had more, and were unhappy with what they had. There can be joy even in little; find it!

David’s Note:
Courtney and I have been married for 7 years and it’s still crazy how much we think alike. Even though we grew up on different continents, we have the same philosophy of life. Our foundation for all of life is the belief that the Bible is the Word of God. Because God created both mankind and money, if you take these ten lessons to heart it will help make life so much easier. But it’s not just money, God has provided wisdom for all manner of life: first of which is how to know Him personally.

Hopefully you are able to get something out of these ten lessons. Let us know which ones you liked most in the comments below!